My dinosaur adventure
“Where are we going???” I said as we came closer to the island. Really? Were they taking us to place in the middle of nowhere with dinosaurs? Great. I did not know why I was brought here. “oh yeah. I am a paleontologist”
3 hours later. “ok where are we going?” I said to the driver.
“On a tour to see them.”
“To see what??”
“The dinosaurs”
“Oh” bam bang “Ahhhhhhhhhhh.”
“Is that a man being eaten???”
“Yes run!”
“Ok!!!” We got into the shelter and stayed there. “Thanks. These rations are terrible.” I said. “There were 5 star chefs”
“ummm they are not here yet???”
“Ok that's a lie and it was terrible” Suddenly I heard a man scream. I looked around and saw a man frightened. He was being hunted down by a velociraptor pack. The man was pounced on by a velociraptor and pinned to the ground.
“umm did that man die??” I said searching for a place to hide.I got into a large locker full of rations. Sniff sniff curr curr I heard the velociraptor communicating. I whispered, “it’s a velociraptor. Never run, they will outrun you!!!”
“Ahh!!” the driver screamed as he ran out.
“ok he didn't listen to me whispering. Maybe he did not hear it??” Well at least he got the raptors out. So I ran and ran for 30 mins.I found a herd of sauropods and stegos. I got to the centre where I was safe. I followed them. Squish ohh now I'm covered in poo, but at least I was safe. And I was worried about the 5 star chefs!
Hi Jasper, great story, I really like how you described the man being "pinned to the ground", I can easily picture it in my head. Try using some more describing words for other parts of your story, like what the shelter looked like or how the rations tasted - were they dry or sour?
ReplyDeleteJasper your humour throughout the story had me laughing especially at the ending. Well done on remembering to use a new line for a new speaker. Remember to reread your story and to make sure you have included capital letters for names and the beginning of sentences. Is there any more of your adventure to come?
ReplyDeleteHi Jasper,you have a wonderful imagination, that story was scary but funny at the same time. I could feel their fear, you could carry on with this story and make it into a picture book for your buddy in the junior school. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteThat is a good story but i cant always tell who is talking. Try and add "blah blah blah said" before you write what someone is saying. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete